Author Archives: momvanconfessions

Well it’s Wednesday so I guess it’s time for another poop story. (Seriously people it’s ridiculous how much of my life involves poop in some form of another.) About a week ago I trudged through my Mom’s muddy yard in the dark while carrying the twins in their car seats. I wasn’t looking at myContinue reading “Same Crap, Different Boot”

Dear New Bonus Parent, Welcome to the wild world of weird parenting! I’m going to tell you some things that I had to learn the hard way. You see when I became a Bonus Mom I thought I’d be great at it and that it would be easy peasy. I thought this because my BonusContinue reading “Dear New Bonus Parent”

I often have to remind myself that my life is made up of millions of moments and not just the ones that I am living. Sometimes its for a beautiful reason. I feel myself rise above the scene that is unfolding and do my best to soak it in and take a mental snap shot.Continue reading “Deep Breaths”

As The Twins approach their first birthday I find myself reflecting a lot on our journey. People sometimes ask me how I reacted when I found out we were having twins. I’d love to say that I reacted with grace and excitement but it was more along the lines of outright horror. We weren’t tryingContinue reading “Twins?!i”

My Mom and I have always been close. Even when I was a shitty teenager and pretended to hate her for a while. (Its embarrassing how much you learn when you “grow up” and your head is no longer up your butt.) She is usually the first person I call if there is a crisisContinue reading “Mom’s Best Advice”

A while back I read the kids all of the posts that I’d written. The Boy made me promise that I’d write one about him. When I told him that everyone had a nickname instead of a real name he tried to convince me that his nickname should be “Naked Boy” because he doesn’t likeContinue reading “The Boy”

Sooooo I spaced and thought it was Tuesday all day on Wednesday! Hence the lack of blog post. Sorry about that guys! Mom Brain is real and it’s a total bitch. How messed up is it that from a biological standpoint we’re given a tiny human (or two plus in some cases) to keep aliveContinue reading “Mom Brain”

I’ve come to believe that having children keeps you humble. You go along thinking that you’re hot shit and that you have it all figured out and then WHAM! KIDS! They present you with new problems and craziness that make you question both your sanity and skills among other things. And they continue doing it!Continue reading “Lessons in Humility as Taught By My Children”

Am I the only person that gives their past self feedback? I do it all the time. Put the clothes in the dryer last night even though I was tired? Great job Past Diana. Decided that freeze tag was a good idea at the company team building night? F U Past Diana! You are theContinue reading “Talking to Myself”

I grew up in a house with one bathroom that all four of us had to share. It in NO WAY prepared me for the insanity of sharing a bathroom with kids. They are the worst roommates I’ve ever had and currently only two of them use the potty. We have two bathrooms and theyContinue reading “The Toilet Paper Bandit And The Perils of Sharing Your Bathroom With Kids”