Self Quarantine Log Day 26: Washing Away Stress

Being a working Mom takes up almost every waking moment. If I’m not at work I’m thinking about work. If I’m not at work or thinking about work I’m taking care of my kids or thinking about them. Sometimes I’m doing it all at once. Working from home since the quarantine started has largely eliminated any feelings I had of work life balance. I know I’m not the only one either. It’s hard work to carve out time for the blog let alone something completely unrelated to work or kids or cleaning the house. “Me Time” has been somewhat unattainable.

I’ve mentioned before that I used to have lots of hobbies before the kids. Once upon a time I decided to try soap making. I enjoyed it but it was a short lived hobby because a single person can really only use so much soap and I moved on to another craft. Like a good little crafter I held onto my supplies but I nearly threw all of them in the trash a couple of months ago. Fortunately I didn’t.

Soap making is back in action! I’ve been ordering new supplies left and right and dreaming up new scent and oil combinations. The soap is fun to make. People are even interested in buying it and that’s exciting too. The most exciting part is making it though. For now I’m just using a melt and pour soap base and not making it from scratch. It’s a much faster process and requires less investment.

I’ve missed having a hobby that had nothing to do with the kids or work. I’d taken up embroidery for a while and enjoyed it but it can be time consuming. Cooking is fun but when you have to do it to feed your family and not just to make something cool it loses its appeal. Nothing like cooking something fancy only to hear someone whine about how they don’t like it to make you feel defeated. The kids like to help me with the soap and it’s a rather quick process. The Conqueror likes to scrape the leftover soap out of the bowl and they all enjoy smelling it as I mix it up.

I feel so accomplished when my soap is hardened and I can cut it and bag it. It’s a silly little thing but it’s good for my spirit. It’s a good lesson for me about self care. Self care is something I greatly struggle with even though I’ve gotten better about it. I think The Hubs sees that it’s good for me to have this time too. He’s always supportive when I’m trying new things but he’s working harder than ever to give me the support I need. I love him more now than I ever have and tell him often.

When all of this is over I may have a thousand bars of soap but that’s okay. The creation of each one will have helped to wash away a little of my stress. Scrub a dub dub!

Self Quarantine Log Day 24: Let’s Hear It For The Boy

8 years ago I was in college and trying to decide what to do with my life. I was busy planning my 21st birthday party and hanging out with friends. Little did I know that mere minutes away from my home a momentous event was happening that would forever change my life. 8 years ago today my Husband held his newborn son for the very first time.

I met The Boy three and a half years later, after Crazy Eyes had joined the mix and The Hubs and their Mom had parted ways. I remember telling The Hubs (then boyfriend) that I didn’t think The Boy liked me. He was a tough nut to crack. Most three year olds are and he’s always been more shy than his sister. He warmed up to me by the end of our visit and he stole my heart in the process. He’s my little buddy. My first baby. The child I chose to love.

He loves that I write about him in my blog so I thought I’d interview him.

What are your favorite things? Your (my) shrimp fried rice, robots, Spiderman, LEGOs, and playing with my sisters.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to join the Airforce but if Mommy won’t let me I’m going to be a fireman or an architect…or a super spy…or an inventor scientist. I’m not sure.

What subjects do you love in school? Reading and math.

What’s your favorite color? Red.

What’s your favorite monster? (He insisted on this question.) Werewolf!

What are your favorite songs? “Old Town Road,” and “I Believe I Can Fly.”

What should people know about you? I’m cool and funny and smart.

What do you like most about yourself? That I’m like Daddy.

I love this kid. He really is cool and funny and smart. He has the biggest heart and makes sure the people he loves know it. I’m so glad that I get to be his Deedee. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Self Quarantine Log Day 22: The Spite Lists

We’re 22 days in and I’m starting to hate writing about my days. Tonight when talking with my parents we started talking about things we hate. My Bonus Dad and I both have what we call, “spite lists.”

Our spite lists are a lovely collection of things we hate for various reasons. While not generally negative people, we both revel in adding to our lists when something new pops up. Of course, when we add new things we update each other. It’s a weird habit, but it’s something we share and enjoy.

His spite list is largely made up of overused and ridiculous words and terms. The man is an English teacher and a words guy. It makes sense. His list contains words and phrases like “on boarding,” “cruft” (apparently it means extra crap in a program), and “fro-yo.” He has “yeet” on there as well. I despise that word too so I get it. The additions of “headspace,” “unpack,” and “granular,” make me giggle because I love them. He also has sweet potatoes, eggplant, people who love raspberries, and the movie Napoleon Dynamite on his list.

When asked if she has a spite list, my Mother says that she’s not allowed to have a spite list because every relationship needs one flexible person. Although as soon as she said this she added that anything labeled as Cajun above I-10 was on her spite list.

My spite list is more varied. Bicycle riding, for instance is on my spite list. I never learned how to ride as a kid and now I refuse to because so many people in my life have either made fun of me for not knowing how to ride or insisted that they could teach me. Before my 21st birthday I swore my brother to secrecy and made him teach me. If someone put a gun to my head and told me I had to ride or they’d shoot I could make it about five feet before jumping or falling off. Its enough for me although I don’t consider it being able to ride a bike.

The word “obnoxious” makes me want to destroy things, especially when people use it to describe me during arguments. People who refuse to put their grocery carts back without having a physical reason why they cannot do so are also on my spite list. It also drives me insane when people say, “I’m so OCD.” Nope. You are not Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You HAVE Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Let’s be honest, if you’re saying it as a half joke to excuse your weirdness then you probably don’t actually have it and that’s wrong on a whole other level as well.

We have other things on our lists as well. I think maybe everyone has at least one or two things on their list even if it’s not a list that they name. I’ve most definitely added quarantine and COVID-19 to my list. Do you have a spite list? What’s on it?

My Five Favorite Authors

I LOVE to read. I always have. Reading has always provided me with a means of escaping reality. It’s an especially welcome distraction right now when I’m stuck inside and finding myself overwhelmed by my anxiety. I’m sure I’m not the only one so I’ve put together a list of my five favorite authors. Each has written multiple works that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. Some have even penned books that changed my life. I encourage you to pick up some of their books if you haven’t already.

1) Jonathan L. Howard:

Primary Genre: Science Fiction

The Book That Started My Love: Johannes Cabal the Necromancer

I’ve never thought of myself as a sci-fi fan but it turns out that with the right author, anything is possible. I enjoy Howard’s dry, witty humor and expansive vocabulary. It’s impressive to me that, even though I’ve read several of his books, his plot lines still contain surprises and twists that are unexpected and exciting. Far too often I find that I enjoy one or two books from an author and then get bored because they all start to sound the same. I don’t often reread books but I actually went back and reread his entire Johannes Cabal series because I wanted to see all of the little clues and connections that he’d planted along the way. It was even better the second time around. I can’t wait to read more of his novels.

2) Neil Gaiman:

Primary Genre: Fantasy

The Book That Started My Love: Good Omens

I LOVE Neil Gaiman and so do millions of other people. Read one book and you’ll understand why. I’ve devoured his novels, short stories, and collaborations. I can’t get enough. His stories are inventive and unpredictable. His characters are believable and relatable, even in fantasy worlds. Good Omens opened the door for me to so much more. While it’s actually one of his collaborations, it served as a great introduction to his work for me. I’ve since filled my shelves and my heart with his other books.

3) Anne Rice:

Primary Genre: Fantasy

The Book That Started My Love: Interview With The Vampire

Anne Rice has such a way with words. When I read my first book by her I was a preteen and I still enjoy her work. With her Vampire Chronicles series, she helped to do away with the creepy vampires of Brahm Stoker and usher in an era of vampires with sex appeal and charisma. She is incredibly descriptive and paints pictures with her words. Under her own name she’s written about vampires, witches, werewolves, religion, and so much more. She’s also written erotica under her pen name A. N. Roquelaure. 50 Shades of Grey has nothing on her.

4) Diana Gabaldon:

Primary Genre: Historical Fiction

The Book That Started My Love: Outlander

I can’t stop reading The Outlander series and all of its accompanying novels and novellas. I’ve been through the main series twice and eagerly await the next installment. Diana Gabaldon has got me, and so many others completely wrapped by her compelling storylines and characters. You love to love her heroes and love to despise her villains. She weaves her stories around major historical events without being cheesy. Her works have spawned a TV series, cookbooks, special tours of Scotland, and whole slews of fans.

5) Erik Larson:

Primary Genre: Historical Non-Fiction

The Book That Started My Love: Devil in The White City

I actually reviewed Devil in The White City on here a few months ago. I loved it despite not normally enjoying Historical Non-Fiction. In his books, Erik Larson manages to make history compelling and entertaining. I find myself hanging onto every word and struggling to put his books down. Unlike many historical authors who stick to the same subject matter, he writes about a variety of topics and time periods. There’s something in his collection for everyone.

There are so many amazing authors out there to love and I’m happy to share my top five with you. So what about all of you? Who are your favorite authors? Leave me their names and your favorite books in the comments. I can’t wait to read something new!

Self Quarantine Day 19: Mom’s Birthday

Today is my Mom’s birthday and I can’t celebrate with her because of the pandemic that has shut down the world.

I’m on day 19. Others have been doing this for even longer. My state is on a “Stay at Home” order until April 30th. So not only will I not see my Mom on her birthday. I won’t see my parents on mine either. There are bigger, much more awful problems in the world right now than not seeing family on birthdays but in times of struggle family is who I turn to. It feels completely alien to not be with them during this.

Not being able to just go to my Mom’s whenever is especially hard on me. I was able to see her briefly yesterday but it wasn’t the same. We both worried about unintentionally getting each other sick. My Mom is my best friend. We’ve had our rough patches like when I was a shitty teenager but she managed not to kill me. She’s always been there for me. She chose to be brave and bring me into this world when many women in her situation would have taken a much different path.

Mom was 18 when I was born but she didn’t let that stop her from graduating high school and then going on to graduate from college. She sacrificed so much to make sure that I was taken care of. She definitely had help along the way, but I know that even with help it wasn’t an easy road. That’s the way my Mom is though. When she chooses to love someone she does it with her entire heart. I’ve talked before about how my Dad shows love but Mom is very different. She says she loves you all the time. It doesn’t stop there though.

She’s a problem solver. You call her upset and she’s going to try and find a solution. She’s there to cheer you on when you need it whether you are her kid, her spouse, her friend, or some stranger that she sees struggling. She’s sassy and extra and I love her for it. She’s been known to take something simple and make it into something completely over the top and perfect.

She is a woman of many talents. She can cook pretty much anything. You don’t dare leave her house hungry. Her gumbo is famous (passed down from my great-grandmother of course) and her peach pie is out of this world. She makes pasta, bread, and pretzels. She quilts, makes clothes, and embroiders. She has a garden. She journals. She occasionally scrapbooks and, of course, is great at it. In her younger years she painted and cross-stitched. I have yet to see her pick up a hobby that she was bad at it. If she was bad at something she’d just master it and then move on anyway. She rarely uses these skills for herself though, she’s always doing things for other people. A quilt for me, a pie for my Bonus Dad, a specially decorated care package for my brother, dresses for the girls. The list goes on. She is the epitome of showing love through acts of service and quality time.

When I talk about her like that she sounds like a little old southern belle. She’s not fragile or old though. She’s loud and opinionated. As my Bonus Dad lovingly calls it, she’s a “mouthy b***h.” She’s never afraid to speak her mind or stand up for what’s right. She’s the bravest woman I know. I wouldn’t be who I am without her.

Happy Birthday Mom! And screw you COVID-19!

Self Quarantine Day 16: Daydreaming of Life After COVID-19

If I have to write another post about my day I may poke my eyes out. We went outside. Chores were done. Fits were thrown. Work was done. Etc. Today I’d rather day dream about life after COVID-19. When this mess is over here’s some of what I’m going to do.

1) Go to a bookstore and wander. I wanted to do this before the virus but I’d love to have a chance to peruse the shelves of Barnes and Noble for an hour or two. Buying a book online but I love the immediacy of having it in my hand right there. Also, I’m so weird about books that online shopping for them usually just frustrates me and I give up.

2) Throw a party. I miss my friends so much! Phone calls and texts are great but they just aren’t cutting it. I have friends that I usually see almost every day and I haven’t seen them in over two weeks at this point. Other friends I haven’t seen in even longer. When this is all over everyone is getting hugs and we’re inviting them over to our no longer crappy back yard.

3) Take my babies out to play. My little ones miss the park. The parks around here are all covered in caution tape. I, of course, understand and respect the reasoning but it’s a sobering sight. I miss watching them climb and slide and giggle and chase each other around a big playground.

4) Celebrate with my work team. I miss my staff so much. They’re all wonderful people and have become like family over the years that we’ve been together. I’m so happy that when the time comes for us to open again I’ll be able to plan a couple of training days where everyone can be together.

5) Eat at a sit down restaurant! Good grief! I’m so tired of cooking and serving other people food. We don’t eat out often but I’m not used to cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 4-6 people every day. I want someone to bring me a salty margarita and a plate full of tacos. I’m literally drooling thinking about it. I can’t even imagine other food because Mexican food is the best. Or maybe brunch?! Bottomless mimosas followed by a nap! That sounds heavenly!

What are you guys day dreaming about?

Self Quarantine Day 15: Our Perfect Day

We had all four kiddos home again today and somehow it all worked out smoothly. It was a perfect day.

I was able to get work done. I even got some cleaning done between work and dinner. We spent most of the day outside. The kids played, The Hubs tore up more of the yard, and I worked. Crazy Eyes and I walked for an hour while I pushed the stroller. We all stopped for an ice cream break in the afternoon.

For dinner we sat around the table and ate hotdogs with chili, macaroni and cheese, and grilled corn on the cob. Uncle Poo even called to participate in Best Part of The Day. By some miracle The Twins went to bed without a fight.

It’s nearly 10:00pm and I’m soaking in the tub while Crazy Eyes draws and The Boy reads his new book. The Hubs is digging in the yard some more.

I feel sleepy and content and blessed beyond imagining. I pray that each and every one of you is experiencing your own version of peace and happiness tonight.

Self Quarantine Day 14: Keep Going

It’s wildly tempting to give in to the melancholy of all of this and take a day off from writing. It’s funny though, my Lenten promise was to write every day. I’d done a crappy job of it up till this all started. It feels wrong not to write now when I have more time to think. Beyond that, I always feel better after I write about my day. It helps me to see the light through the darkness.

I’ve been separated from my work team for two weeks. At least when I was home on maternity leave some of them were able to visit and I was home on happier terms. I’m fortunate to work with a very diverse and fun crew of people. I’ve worked with some of them for almost three years and together we’ve helped make our museum the amazing place that it is. As a people person and a manager who loves the people part of what I do most, this has been a struggle. My boss has done an awesome job of thinking of new ways to keep our team involved until we reopen. I’m learning a lot from her and it’s a great experience from that perspective.

The Hubs stayed home later this morning to help me with the kids. I had a conference call for work and needed some quiet time to participate. He’s trying to be supportive through all of this. Maybe he sees me cracking up a little bit. Whatever it is, I appreciate it. I’m enjoying having him home more. Truth be told I’m enjoying the kids being home more too even though during work hours they make me crazy.

Today we spent a lot of time outside. They napped because I drove around the neighborhood while I took another conference call. When I clocked out we snuggled and watched Mulan. Then we cooked dinner together and they completely destroyed their servings. They’re bouncing around the bathtub with fat bellies right now happy as pigs.

I can do this. We can all keep doing this. We just have to keep going for one more day. Every day we just keep going for one more day. Keep your heads up out there and your hands clean. This too shall pass.

Self Quarantine Day 13: The Kids Are Alright?

We like to think that our big kids are unfazed by this pandemic but the reality is showing up in their behavior. My son, a normally anxious kid to begin with had a moment today.

We were all outside and he’d just gotten fussed at twice for talking back and then had a run in with Crazy Eyes. None of these things are unusual. They happen all the time. This was different though. He rushed to the back corner of the yard underneath the shade of the tree there. I gave him a minute thinking that it was just frustration. I stepped in when I started to see his shoulders shake and he let out a big ugly sob.

I hugged my big boy until he calmed down. It’s easy to forget sometimes that he’s only a couple days shy of 8. The kid looks to be about 10 and is well spoken. We talked about how everything was kinda weird right now and how he’s having to spend a lot more time than normal with his sisters, especially Crazy Eyes. I reminded him that she’s still little even though she looks older too. I told him that things were going to be okay. I hugged him again and sent him inside to wash his face.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own feelings and thoughts and imagine that our kids are unaffected by all of this. It’s our job as parents to slow down and give them a little extra love and encouragement right now. That’s not to say we let them off easy when they act up, but maybe we give an extra hug before bed. Maybe we make our kids have some play time separate from one another instead of just waiting until they’re ready to kill each other. Maybe tonight we let him stay up just a little longer and play with his LEGOs. In the end, its better for us all.

Self Quarantine Day 12: Escape

The Hubs and I ventured out today. We’re trying to do as little of this as possible but his project to fix the drainage in the yard has gotten out of hand and we needed groceries.

His Mom watched the kids for us so that we wouldn’t expose them to anyone else. Between The Boy and Crazy Eyes being willing to talk to pretty much anyone and The Twins being the everyday equivalent of a side show, people rarely leave us alone for long when we travel as a pack.

We left Lowe’s with the supplies to finish fixing the drainage problem, finally plant the garden I’ve been asking for since we moved in almost four years ago, re-seed the areas that The Hubs is digging up, start composting, and spray paint the top of an old table that we are repurposing as yard art. We both figure that if we’re trapped at home we may as well make the most of it.

It’s fun seeing The Hubs get creative. He claims not to like the hard work but we both know that when he does projects like this it’s the only time he’s guaranteed to fall asleep easily. As a bonus, our snake friend from a couple of days ago appeared again and has been lovingly chased out of the yard. Hopefully he finds peace elsewhere and not in the side of my house ever again.

I went to the grocery store solo. No toilet paper on the shelves still. I was able to get more of our usual faire though so that was exciting. I nearly cried when I saw Bunny bread back on the shelves. It’s my favorite sandwich bread and I’m very particular about sandwich bread. I know it’s a stupid thing to get excited about but it was just one more level of normal that I’ve been missing.

It’s easy to forget what’s going on when I have projects to do. Over and over again during the day it hits me that there is a pandemic going on. I try not to let myself dwell on it because other than staying home there isn’t much to do. It’s a strange feeling of helplessness. Down here we are used to hurricanes. When those happen you get out and help others rebuild. You open your doors and hearts to people without. What do you do though when isolation is the way to keep others and yourself safe?

The constant state of trying to keep my life as normal as possible is straining my already overwhelmed nerves. So today I’ll take solace in my Bunny bread and revel in the anticipation of my long awaited garden. I’ll read a little of a book instead of Facebook in the bath tub. I’ll let my daughters have a fashion show instead of a bath before bed. I’ll do what I can to escape the fear and stress and anxiety that’s eating us all up inside.