We’re 22 days in and I’m starting to hate writing about my days. Tonight when talking with my parents we started talking about things we hate. My Bonus Dad and I both have what we call, “spite lists.”
Our spite lists are a lovely collection of things we hate for various reasons. While not generally negative people, we both revel in adding to our lists when something new pops up. Of course, when we add new things we update each other. It’s a weird habit, but it’s something we share and enjoy.
His spite list is largely made up of overused and ridiculous words and terms. The man is an English teacher and a words guy. It makes sense. His list contains words and phrases like “on boarding,” “cruft” (apparently it means extra crap in a program), and “fro-yo.” He has “yeet” on there as well. I despise that word too so I get it. The additions of “headspace,” “unpack,” and “granular,” make me giggle because I love them. He also has sweet potatoes, eggplant, people who love raspberries, and the movie Napoleon Dynamite on his list.
When asked if she has a spite list, my Mother says that she’s not allowed to have a spite list because every relationship needs one flexible person. Although as soon as she said this she added that anything labeled as Cajun above I-10 was on her spite list.
My spite list is more varied. Bicycle riding, for instance is on my spite list. I never learned how to ride as a kid and now I refuse to because so many people in my life have either made fun of me for not knowing how to ride or insisted that they could teach me. Before my 21st birthday I swore my brother to secrecy and made him teach me. If someone put a gun to my head and told me I had to ride or they’d shoot I could make it about five feet before jumping or falling off. Its enough for me although I don’t consider it being able to ride a bike.
The word “obnoxious” makes me want to destroy things, especially when people use it to describe me during arguments. People who refuse to put their grocery carts back without having a physical reason why they cannot do so are also on my spite list. It also drives me insane when people say, “I’m so OCD.” Nope. You are not Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You HAVE Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Let’s be honest, if you’re saying it as a half joke to excuse your weirdness then you probably don’t actually have it and that’s wrong on a whole other level as well.
We have other things on our lists as well. I think maybe everyone has at least one or two things on their list even if it’s not a list that they name. I’ve most definitely added quarantine and COVID-19 to my list. Do you have a spite list? What’s on it?
Mom Van Confessions 