Poop Story Double Feature: Part Two, Everybody Poops

Ya’ll, I’m telling you I don’t know what happened to my family but it was bad. Maybe the planets aligned or someone put a hex on me. Whoever has my Voodoo Doll needs to give it a back rub and say they’re sorry for this one because it was just rude. Not two days after nap time went wrong I came home to a disaster that just continued to intensify.

We were running late getting home because we’d stopped to visit family. It was after 7:30, the girls hadn’t eaten dinner (normally 6:30), and they’d fallen asleep in the car. The trifecta of bad right? When I walked in the door my Mommy senses started tingling. In his rush to get out of the house and off to work the Hubs put the dogs away in our room instead of in their kennel. What he failed to take into account is that there were some poopy diapers in our bathroom trash can. Our dogs are crack heads about poopy diapers. Like will do anything they can to get to them. They are deranged. My vet tells me that this has something to do with wanting to get the babies smell. Dogs do this when they eat socks or underwear. Whatever it is, it’s GROSS! They’d torn up three diapers all over my bedroom floor and coughed up something frightening on my bed. I let them out and closed the door. I could only deal with one crisis at a time and I chose hungry babies.

I put the girls in their high chairs and started to feed them. They were cranky and uninterested but I worried about them waking up during the night so I plowed on. The Hun was growling and grunting. That’s pretty normal so I chalked it up to being grumpy. At least I did until the smell hit my nose. Poop! Let me just say that poop is difficult when you are feeding one baby but when you are feeding two and one poops, you enter into new territory. Sometimes we can continue to eat. A small poop is tolerable. This was no small poop. This was a blowout! Oh and did I mention that I was the only adult at home? Yea, so Mommy went into battle mode.

I got the girls out of their high chairs and into the tub in our hall bathroom. They normally take their bath in the master bathroom but since the area was strewn with diaper carnage I opted for the hall bathroom. They settled into the bath and splashed around happily. I sat on the toilet and looked at Facebook. (Don’t worry, the lid was down. This isn’t that kind of poop story.) The Hun played with a small cup and even drank from it. This was cute and a bit impressive (she usually just drinks from a sippy cup or bottle not a regular cup). I told her to stop since there were bubbles in the tub. It was cute right up until I saw something floating through the bubbles.

My brain registered what my heart tried to deny. It was a poop. A little baby poop. IN THE BATH WATER THAT THE HUN WAS DRINKING! I lurched into action and fished it out. I threw it in the toilet like it was on fire. The girls looked at me like I’d just turned into a monkey or something. They had no idea why I was being so weird. I drained the tub and took away the cup. We stared at each other. *crickets* I called my Mom.

She thought it was hilarious. As a parent you know that these things will happen but why then?! I was shaken! Unnerved by a poop! The girls were delighted by another bath but this time I left the bubbles out just in case one of them had another poop in the chamber. All traces of sleepiness had abandoned them. After their bath I got them dressed and went off to clean up the poopy diaper mess in our room. My Husband was smart enough to come home with food for me and a hug. He helped me strip the bed and kept the girls entertained while I ate. We got them all snuggly and in bed and then I passed out too. Cleaning up poop three times in one night will really take it out of you!

Published by momvanconfessions

I’m just a first time Mom with 3 bonus kids, set of twins, 2 bad dogs, and a full time job who’s trying to get through parenthood and life without completely screwing it up.

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