The start of our tale begins at nap time on an ordinary day. I put the girls down for a nap but they fought it for an hour. They played and giggled and chattered. They weren’t fighting or screaming and I figured they’d fall asleep at some point so I rolled with it. Anything to get the dishes done. They did fall asleep eventually. Looking back I see that I should have investigated the giggling. *shakes head* If only I’d been more vigilant, maybe the poop insanity wouldn’t have happened.
When I opened their bedroom door, the smell of poop hit me like a wall. This isn’t terribly unusual but it’s never pleasant. As I entered the room I was greeted by one baby standing and crying and one little naked booty pointing straight up in the air. While poop smell isn’t always a horrible sign, unexpected naked booties are. Also unexpected were the locations of my babies. You see, when I’d put them down they were in separate cribs. Now they were in one. After taking a quick moment to asses the situation I ran from the room. Baby wipes never seem to be in the right spot when I need them. This appearance and subsequent disappearance of Mommy set the Conqueror to wailing her poor little poopy-booty heart out. I ran as fast as I could back to her, my mind streaked with visions of poo spreading beyond her gaping diaper and onto her sister or bed.
The Hun, true to her nature, remained asleep while The Conqueror screamed her head off. I took the poopy diaper off and wiped as much of the poop off as I could before picking her up and laying her down on the changing table. Apparently I missed a substantial area though because in her fit she rolled and smeared poop on the changing table. As I cleaned her and the changing table up I heard The Hun rustling in the crib. I turned to see her standing up and blinking at me. She looked like a little naked Kewpie doll with her little belly poking out. As I stared at her trying to decide what to do, she let loose a torrent of pee. I swear she didn’t even break eye contact. She just stared at me and peed.
At this point I abandoned all hope of getting out of this with clean clothes. I picked them up and with a baby under each arm headed to the bathroom. One bubble bath later and fresh clothes all around and we were okay. I put on Sesame Street and let them watch and play while I stripped their bed. I found The Hun’s diaper on the floor. She’d thrown it out of the crib when she took it off. We now have a strict no sleeping in only a diaper policy in our house.
We had our next frightening fecal adventure just a couple days later…stay tuned for the next part of the Double Feature!
Mom Van Confessions 