Finding Joy

I didn’t realize how much I missed writing to you all until the other night. I’ve been writing since October of 2018 and took my longest break from writing this year. Life was crazy and I was depressed. I normally share about that here but I felt short on time and motivation. Since I started my new job life has been so much better but taking the leap back into writing has been a little scary. I wasn’t really sure if I still had the spark. I feel super rusty for sure, but it feels good to be writing again.

So other than my most recent escapade, what’s been going on? Let’s see. I got a new job that I’m completely in love with. The kids all had birthdays. I turned thirty 😱. We’ve had several adventures in car trouble ,not limited to the Mom Van herself currently in the shop for some transmission repairs. It’s been a long and educational journey since October of 2020 when I lost my “dream job”.

I put “dream job” in quotes because it almost seems silly to call it that now. It was the dream. It was everything I wanted but then it was gone and I felt lost. I fell into a deep depression. Everything I’d worked so hard to build was taken away and then I watched with frustration and sadness as someone else made it into their own vision in ways that are against what I believe. I saw my former coworkers struggle and ultimately leave to find new careers because of how unhappy they were. When I got laid off I told myself to trust in God and that it would be “Onward and Upward”.

It was a great mantra but even a mantra gets old when you have no idea what “Onward and Upward” looks like for you. Some friends graciously offered to let me work for them and I accepted but ultimately it wasn’t the right fit for me at all. I stayed stressed and on edge and wasn’t happy with the work. Proof to me that God has a plan for us and that some things along the path aren’t meant to be forever, just meant to reaffirm the mission that he’s put us on. My tension and unhappiness started to bleed over into my personal life. I was yelling at everyone at home, not taking care of my body, and depressed. I felt unmoored. I didn’t know what the next step was and I needed a change for me and my family.

Ultimately I was led to an organization that embodies my own personal morals. “All human life has value and dignity.” That’s my “why?”. Our mission statement at work is “To prevent homelessness, and to promote self sufficiency and dignity.” Ya’ll! If that’s not God in action I don’t know what is. Since day one I’ve walked with a lightness and joy in my heart. I feel supported and cared for by my team. The work brings me overflowing joy even on my challenging days. I’m back in the community that I was raised in and have been given the opportunity to help support my team as they make real world impacts on people’s lives. I am inspired by my leaders and coworkers. I’ve already learned so much from everyone and am excited to do more.

I’ve seen a change in my attitude and happiness. My marriage is doing so much better because I’m not walking around angry and stressed all of the time. Its helped me to think clearly about my struggles and made it easier to talk them through. I have time to play with my babies now in ways that I didn’t even have at my “dream job” that was all about supporting learning through play. (Crazy right?!)

I’m so grateful for my journey. I’m happy to have found where I’m meant to be. I promise to write more about our crazy family and our escapades. I cannot thank you all enough for sticking with me through my writing hiatus. I love you all and am so happy that you enjoy taking these rides in the Mom Van with me. Wishing you all peace and happiness today.


Published by momvanconfessions

I’m just a first time Mom with 3 bonus kids, set of twins, 2 bad dogs, and a full time job who’s trying to get through parenthood and life without completely screwing it up.

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