Dead Tired

I feel like exhaustion is wrapped around me like an enchanted cape that’s trying to pull me back into bed. A glance in the mirror shows me that I look like I tried to fight someone and lost. Listening to me for more than five minutes could lead you to believe that I’m also a Disney villain. I’m grouchy as all get out.

My babies did not sleep well last night. They had a weird day yesterday that left little time for naps. I say they didn’t sleep well but that’s not entirely accurate. The Hun slept like a rock from 5:30pm-4:30am. I even tried to wake her up when her sister did at 7:00pm because I was trying to avoid that early morning wake up. The Conqueror on the other hand wanted to wake up every hour and a half to nurse or play or just whine and fart and flop around on my bed. Of course, right as she quieted down that’s when sister woke up ready to go hard. Both girls were apparently in the mood to hit and spent the entire time they were nursing smacking me with their tiny little hands. There was also hair pulling and kicking. Not to be outdone by her sister, my sweet Hun head butted me square in the mouth and busted my lip. A quarter inch section of my top lip looks like it wants to be attached to a Kardashian.

I feel bad for everyone around me on days like this, especially my staff. They treat my family like theirs and as a result are very forgiving even when I’m in a mood. They can usually make me laugh or at least make me laugh at myself which is just as good. These are the days that I’m not sure I can handle the strain of working 40 Hours a week and being a Mom. Today I envy my friends who can stay home with their babies. I know that I’m not cut out for that lifestyle but the grass is always greener right? I completely underestimated how hard it would be to manage career and family. (I 100% could not do this without my family and my awesome work team.) This isn’t to say that I think being a stay at home Mom isn’t hard. I know that, despite my complaining, I don’t have what it takes to be a SAHM. I can fantasize though right?

I meet people sometimes who are shocked when I say that I’ve worked 40 Hours a week since the girls were 8 weeks old. I frequently hear “I don’t know how you do it!” I have to resist the urge to blurt out “Shit, neither do I!” The truth is I really don’t know. I don’t know how stay at home Moms do it. I don’t know how parents who have kids that are close in age do it. Seriously the idea of having a two year old and and infant horrifies me. At least the twins are pretty much going through the same phases at the same time and my older kids are big enough to help or entertain themselves. I don’t know how parents of triplets do it or parents who have twins and then a singleton. I don’t know how parents with only one child do it. With every child you have society seems to more and more forgiving if you and your children aren’t perfect. (#blessed) I bet if you asked all of those other parents they’d feel the same way about parents who live different lives.

We don’t know how we handle the crazy and we don’t know how other people handle their crazy because there is no formula. There is no manual. The truth is we do it because the only other option is to fail and screw up your kid. We do it because we love our children and sometimes love looks like dark circles under your eyes and a fat lip from your kid’s big head. We do what must be done to survive, even when it looks ugly. It’s incredible what Love can carry us through. I am dead tired but seeing my babies’ faces gives me the energy I need to pack my lunch, change their diapers, and get us all loaded up and on the road every morning.