Am I the only parent who occasionally makes a really idiotic choice in a lame attempt to make their kids think that they are cool? I feel like there are bound to be other people like me out there. A couple of weekends ago, we took the kids to a church fair near our house. I tried to make my older kids think that I, Deedee, am awesome and cool. Instead of looking cool, I looked like a big baby and almost peed my pants.
When I was growing up, the big scary ride at the fair was The Bullet. Its essentially a big stick that spins around with pill-like capsules on either end that also spin. (Aka Big Scary Death Trap). I rode it once with my grandmother and we both spent the entire ride screaming and convinced that we were going to die. Its pretty incredible how your brain blocks those memories out when you are being stupid for your kids.
Anyway, I’d promised The Boy that I’d go on one ride with him. Before the intelligent side of my brain could stop me I blurted out “Let’s go on The Bullet!” As soon as I said it I started praying that he would be too short to ride. Unfortunately not only was he tall enough to ride, so was Crazy Eyes. As we got in line I continued to pray that they would chicken out or have to pee or decide that they were hungry or something so we could move on. Of course, none of these things happened. We inched closer and closer to the ride and I began to feel more and more stupid.
Finally, the time came for us to get into the death trap. We tucked Crazy Eyes in the middle and I realized that I was 100% not prepared for what I’d gotten us into. Momma Bear instinct kicked in and I put my leg over hers and braced myself as best I could in the metal cage. We were the first to load into the ride so that meant we got a little sneak peak before it even really started. As we made our first half rotation Crazy Eyes and I were already freaking out. For a brief minute we sat at the top of the ride looking down in horror. I quietly cursed myself for being such an idiot.
I spent the rest of the ride doing my best not to scream curse words at the top of my lungs while simultaneously cheering on my little Crazy girl for being so brave. My mind pinged around like crazy. “Don’t pee your pants Diana!” “Don’t let Crazy Eyes fall out!” “Is that my husband laughing on the ground?!” “I am NEVER doing this again.” Out loud I tried to laugh and reassure her that she was doing great. I’m pretty sure that to the people on the ground I sounded absolutely insane. The Boy was having the time of his life and thought that the whole thing was hilarious. By the time we got off she was crying and we were both shaking. (Its important to note here that neither of us peed our pants or threw up. #winning) I hugged her and told her how proud I was of her over and over again. Eventually I got her to laugh and convinced her to go ride a kiddie ride with Daddy. She was fine after that and I refused to go on anymore rides.
Looking back I can only hope that we all learned a little about ourselves. The Boy should be well aware now that he isn’t scared of anything a ride can throw at him. I’m positive that I didn’t look any cooler. If anything I probably look less cool now. I hope that Crazy Eyes learned that she is incredibly brave. Maybe we can just look at it like a trust fall. I was right there with them, screaming my head off and trying to make sure they knew that I’d keep them safe. I guess that’s what parenting looks like sometimes. Scream a little, laugh, and do your best to act like everything is fine until you get back on the ground without peeing your pants.