Saturday Shocks

I’d put the girls down for a nap and was about to get into the tub when one of them really amped up the screaming. The Hubs asked me to go check on them before I got into the bath. His Daddy senses must have been tingling because when I went into the room I saw the Hun standing there naked and mad at the world. She’d taken off her diaper and dumped the poop right out of it. Clearly once she decanted her present into the bed and peed she was no longer interested in sharing a bed with her deposits. I chalked it up to Mommy’s fault because I’d put her down for a nap with only a diaper on. Like her Mommy she’s not a fan of clothes. I got her cleaned up and gave her to Daddy who was laying in bed watching videos.

Now the next part is completely my fault and marks the resolution of a long, drawn-out argument in my house. You see one side of our house is almost 100% window. I’ve agreed to putting curtains up on 2/3 of the windows but held out on covering the windows that look into our dining room/kitchen. I like having lots of natural light in there and don’t want to fool with curtains. The window is an odd size too so we’ll have to have weird sized curtains and a curtain rod. All things that lead me to fighting for no curtains/window treatments. The Hubs and I have been arguing about this since we moved in. I don’t like to wear clothes. He tells me all the time that I’m going to give our elderly neighbor a heart attack. I always say that it’s my damn house and I can wear whatever the hell I want to in it. If the neighbors want to see my droopy, wobbly bits then so be it! Who cares if their side yard and backyard look right in?!

The Lord finally called my bluff. Sassy God looked down and said, “I’m ending this stupid argument right here and now.” You see after I cleaned up The Hun and her bed, I decided to run to the kitchen and refill her bottle. But because it my damn house and I can wear whatever the hell I want to, I didn’t bother to put on clothes. I thought nothing of standing at the sink with my bare butt to the window while I rinsed the bottle. Didn’t batt an eye as I stood in front of the refrigerator carefully making sure I filled the bottle up to 4 oz of water. Danced along to the old school funk that I’d left playing after breakfast while I poured juice into the bottle. Enjoyed my happy morning.

Until I shut the refrigerator door and turned to see a man in my neighbor’s yard! My brain registered that his back was to me but I froze like a deer in headlights. Bottle in hand I ran on tiptoe to get behind the shelter of the living room curtains. (Tiptoe?! Like he was going to hear me and turn around?! Idiot.) I ran into our bedroom and collapsed into embarrassed laughter. I had to admit that I was wrong and that The Hubs had been right all this time. He is pleased to have gotten his way after all the fussing. It turns out even I have my boundaries when it comes to my nakedness. I’m not sure that the man working next door even saw anything but if he did I hope he got a laugh out of it too. Once I get out of the bath I’m off to buy curtains and a curtain rod. So much for a lazy Saturday!

Published by momvanconfessions

I’m just a first time Mom with 3 bonus kids, set of twins, 2 bad dogs, and a full time job who’s trying to get through parenthood and life without completely screwing it up.

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