Purple Baby Food

I love it when I feel like I don’t have any weird/funny stories to share with you and God looks down and says ” I got you boo.” (Queen Latifah voice remember.)

Last night I excitedly fed the twins PURPLE baby food. I can’t even remember what was in it but I was so excited to find purple baby food that I had to buy it. I also fed them some Gerber Macaroni and Cheese with Veggies, peas, carrots, and some cubed peaches. They enjoy eating and I enjoy feeding them new things. (We tried oatmeal the other day and I’ve never seen infants look more offended in my life.) Its highly entertaining. Unfortunately this entertainment has an ugly side and has resulted in bigger poopy diapers than we had before.

This morning, The Conqueror’s diaper exploded. It was subtle at first. She didn’t smell but I could tell that she needed a diaper change by the weight of her so I put her down and went off to grab a diaper from her room. Mind you, I was in the process of getting ready for work when all this went down so I was walking around in jeans and a bra. It wasn’t until I looked down and saw a dark greenish-charcoal smudge on my abdomen that I realized something was horribly wrong. My brain said “oh that must be motor oil or something equally gross from my dirty husband.” (He is often covered in mysterious substances of this nature due to his job.) Doing a double take I saw that it was also smudged across my bra. Like an idiot, I sniffed it.

POOP! There was poop on me! AGAIN?! My thoughts became a blur. “Oh my God she’s in the playpen with a poo blow out! Please don’t be everywhere!” In horror I reached down into her playpen to pick her up. I was relieved to see that there was no poo in the playpen but my relief was short lived. It was up her back. And I don’t mean a little, I mean up to the armpit and spreading down her legs with every kick and giggle. She was apparently quite content to squish around in it.

I ran into the bathroom with her held out in front of me. I sat her down on the tile floor and stared at her for a minute like she was an alien. I decided that the best course of action was to wipe her off as best I could and then put her in the tub. It was a great plan. Three wipes in and no end to the poop in sight I realized that I was out of wipes! To make matters worse, my Husband wasn’t responding to my frantic shrieks for help. Yes frantic because at this point The Conqueror decided that she’d had enough of laying on the bathroom floor and wanted to crawl around. I quickly wiped up what I could and put her in the tub. It hits me now that I could have just used toilet paper instead of trying to get creative with the three wipes.

While she splashed in the tub I cleaned the poop off of the floor and myself. She was decent enough to act snuggly when I wrapped her in a towel so all is forgiven. Maybe tonight we’ll leave purple off the menu.

Published by momvanconfessions

I’m just a first time Mom with 3 bonus kids, set of twins, 2 bad dogs, and a full time job who’s trying to get through parenthood and life without completely screwing it up.

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