1) I’m up at 3am writing this…
Why am I up? Because I woke up in a panic thinking that I forgot to set my alarm for work tomorrow. Good job survival instinct! Right? Wrong! I’ve done this twice tonight and I don’t even have work tomorrow or the next day. Chances are I’ll freak out again when I wake up and see sunlight in my room. (I totally did.)
2) I frequently forget what day it is…
As evidenced by the above this is clearly an issue. This happens all the time. The other day I looked at one of my team members and asked him why he was at work on a Thursday when he doesn’t normally work Thursdays. Turned out it was Wednesday. He harassed me about it but the joke was on him. Why? Because I forgot about the whole conversation and what day it was and asked him about it again later. Shit happens.
3) I look like I got punched in the face…
I looked at a picture of myself from before I got pregnant the other day and didn’t even recognize myself. I worried about stretch marks when I found out I was having twins. Screw a stretch mark, at least you can hide that and nowadays they are considered a badge of honor. No one ever says “Oh look at your dark circles! Be proud of those! Embrace their ghoulish beauty!” Instead people just say “Are you sick?” or “Up all night?” Nope! Just decided to do a smoky eye UNDER my eyes this time. It’s all the rage this year, didn’t you know?
4) Every morning is a negotiation with myself…
“Okay my alarm went off if I hit snooze that means I either have to skip makeup or a bath. I have to take a bath. Screw the makeup everyone knows I look like Gollum anyway…Or maybe if I just throw my lunch together while I run the bath I can shave off a few minutes and do both. Okay okay. Five minute alarm instead of ten minute snooze and I should be alright.” I don’t even fall back asleep usually, I mostly just lay there praying that I will or trying to figure out how I can lay there longer and not be late.
5) I haven’t stayed awake through a movie in about 9 months…
As a kid I made fun of my mom for this. She did it every time. If the movie was interesting she’d get up early before my brother and I and do housework while she finished it. We can start it at 5pm and chances are if I’m not interrupted by the girls I’ll fall asleep about 30 minutes in. Longer movie times aren’t doing me any favors either. My husband has started picking kids movies for us to watch because there’s at least a tiny chance that I’ll see all of it. He’s stopped renting movies for the most part too. Why pay for a movie that your wife is going to ruin with her snoring?
6) I 100% had more to say but I fell asleep while I was writing…
Meh. It will come back to me eventually. This happens all the time. I feel like my brain is a moldy chunk of Swiss cheese. Remember those cartoons where one character looks into another’s ear and sees straight through their head and out of the other side? Yea, that’s me. #mombrain Either things will get better and my brain will bounce back or I’ll forget that I was once intelligent and I’ll be cool with it. *shrugs* At this point I’d settle for being dumb and well rested.
Mom Van Confessions 