Today the Twins had a cheer clinic to go to and they were nervous about it. This is their first time being dropped off somewhere other than with family or at school. We didn’t know if any of their friends would be there. They’ve never tried cheer before. As we got out of the car and approached the building, they told me they were nervous. Without thinking I said, “Don’t be nervous! It will be fine!” Crazy Eyes at the same time said, “it’s okay to be nervous!”
It immediately hit me how right she was. I stopped walking, looked at the Twins and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said not to be nervous. Your sister is right. It’s okay to be nervous, but let’s not let it stop you from having fun.” I gave them a hug and a kiss and held their hands as we walked to registration.
I’ve been thinking about that for the rest of the day. What I said was meant to be comforting and reassuring. It was said with good intentions. It wasn’t a bad thing to say, but it wasn’t the best thing to say either. It minimized their very understandable feelings and implied that being nervous was a bad thing. The fact of the matter is, I was a little nervous myself and if I’d been in their shoes, even as an adult, I would have been nervous too. Being nervous is only bad if it stops you from moving forward into something worthwhile.
I try my best to remember that I’m raising children who will one day be adults and not just dealing with the tiny person in front of me. How many times have I shamed myself for being nervous when I really should have just said, “It’s okay to be nervous!” and then kept moving forward? Too many to count. How many times have I fussed at myself mentally for being sad or frustrated instead of just taking a minute to sit with the emotion and recognize it for what it is before making my next move?
I made sure to thank Crazy Eyes for her insight and the reminder. The Twins had fun and even handled their performance well. The Trash Goblin has decided that cheer isn’t for her but is proud of herself for trying. Mag Pie loved it and can’t wait to cheer again. I walked away with a lesson learned.
All’s well that ends well.
Mom Van Confessions 